"Where am I in the journey of living or meeting my personal VIMISTRA?"

My personal vision is to make "A world where everyone has realized their power; and thereby empower others so that everyone enjoys their Freedom, Life, and Dignity."

To accomplish the above vision, my mission will be "to cultivate the self-worth among the most marginalized community - especially focusing LGBTQIA, Disabled community, Dalits and women (cross-cutting)."

The strategy that I hope to use while I am in my mission is that "in my personal and professional space, I will consciously try to conscientise people. I will facilitate reflective guided discussions and dialogues, write blogs and articles, and actively participate as well as interact/share (Paulo Freire's conscientization methodology) in all opportunities that I get to engage with individuals and organizations in India and South Asia." 

My reflection on 17th January 2020: 

These vision, mission, and strategy together are called VIMISTRA. When I reflect back on my VIMISTRA I feel that it is certainly required to be my ideal to be my way of life as a professionally trained social worker. It should be my mantra, my essence of living (as I see my passion and profession to be the same) and my way of life. As a social worker, I adamantly feel that everyone should recognize their power and thereby empower themselves and others who get in touch with them. I have haphazardly walked the VIMISTRA. I feel very ashamed that as a responsible social worker I have done it from my comfort zone and did not take any step beyond it to ensure that I work to achieve my vision. Having said that I would like to share that after the last workshop I facilitated two workshops with young CSO professionals (120 participants) on social work values and the need for them to work for LGBTQIA and Disabled people. These professionals were from all over India. The feedback that I got from the participants made me feel that I could sensitize them. Besides that my effort to ensure that transgenders are involved in our organizational development programmes as well as a staff is an ongoing struggle that I love to engage with.

Gracefully bye 2019

I am ready to say gracefully bye to 2019. The year was like the hot coffee which came and sipped in me with all its warmth and caffeine energizing and harming me somewhere. I am waiting eagerly for 2020 - a brand new year. I hope that the coming new year will have everything 20-20. All short and sweet like 20-20 cricket. I hope it will be young, vibrant, electrifying and experiencing. This new year will be challenging too with all right-wing ideas coming out of the closet. Let's see what is stored in 2020. But this is sure that I am ready to leave behind 2019.

A lace of fragrance from 2019 that I will definitely take with me is the pursuit of knowledge through my Ph.D. studies. Registering myself for Ph.D. was something excellent that happened with me out of nowhere in 2019. It was never a thought decision when the year began. But it happened for good. After a long time, I got to make new diverse group of scholarly friends and guides. I visited Arunachal Pradesh this year and learned the tribal dynamics of the state. The tribe that really attracted me at least by name is the Idu Mishmi tribes. I came to know of Nidhi tribes and their culture a bit. 2019 also made me exposed to the nutritional landscape of India and through my professional front, I could be part of the Nutrition program of my organization. I will start the 2020 journey by visiting an aspirational district (as per NITI Ayog) of India in South Gujarat named Dang (maybe most of you have not heard about it). Dang is a tribal-dominated district of Gujarat with a fair number of malnourished children. It will give me an opportunity to learn about another Bhil tribe of India. The five Kings of Dangs are the only hereditary royals in India whose titles are currently recognized by the government owing to an agreement made during the British Raj in 1842 (as per Wikipedia). 

2020 will be a scholarly year for me as I resolute to publish at least one scholarly article on poverty and rural governance. A lot to read and understand before writing the article. Don't know how it will shape. Bit nervous!! I will have to review a lot of scholarly articles. I have to also manage lot of official work and projects. I need to practice diligently the organized way of managing my work. 

2019 was the year when my mother was in ICU for the first time. Her health will a major area of concern for me in 2020. Looking for love and manage my loneliness will be another major opportunity (not saying as a challenge) for me in the coming year. 

One of the major knowledge that I learned this year is about Appreciative Inquiry. It really changed my outlook on life. It's taught me to see life as a mystery to be solved rather than a problem to be solved. Wow, what great learning. Happy for myself. The two books that I read among five really touched me are Siddhartha (written by Hermann Hesse) and book by Yuval Noah Harari, 21 Lessons for 21st Century. Both the books enlightened me and gave me the energy to reflect life more deeply. The training that changed my life was the Emerging leadership program by Quest Alliance. I am continuing the same this year too. I hope I emerge as a good leader. I have a dream to become President of India one day. Unbelievable!!!

Let 2020 be the year known to me as the year which made me more human, more sincere, more sensitive and more a person who sees life as an opportunity to explore. 

Wish you all a very happy new year... Welcome 2020... I m ready to embrace you...

Negative Thoughts are also thoughts... why to shy about it

It was in my class VIII physics class that I learned Newton's third law, which tells, "Every action has the equal and opposite reaction." So it means that whatever we do or think have equal and opposite reactions. My positive thoughts also have negative thoughts and my negative thoughts also have positive thoughts. Hence it is normal to have negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Why does the world always praise positivity when there is bound to have negativity also? Why is negativity untouchable when it is very much there within us. All our positive thoughts are supported by our negative thoughts. It is through our negativity that positivity evolves. It is through all frustrations new innovations and inventions happened. It is through the struggle that we have achieved success. Then why the emotions that are related to frustrations, struggle, negativity, loneliness, sadness, etc are said to be bad and our friends ask us to abstain from it.

So emotions are the truth. It will come. Always all the emotions cannot be positive. They will definitely be negative. Why people reject emotions? Why can't we think of supporting a person to deal with those emotions? Its the handling of emotions that make people hurt themselves or others. Hence listening to people's emotions and accepting it is something that we should learn. When we are affected by emotions that make us feel not so good then we should share openly without any shy or shame. The people who listen to others such emotions should listen to it rather than superimpose or suppress it with other emotions.

We as a friend should support others by just listening to their emotions. Listening is one of the biggest support that we can do to others who just want to share their emotions. Actually many a time people take a huge amount of courage to share their emotions with others (whom they think can provide them a patient hearing). Hence a human being we need to give patients hearing and go beyond by feeling empathetic. Many a time when people share their emotions we start judging them and supporting them with counter emotions thinking that they are negative and they need to be injected positive thoughts. In the process, we make those people more frustrated and live them more lonely.

In our universities and colleges, we are never taught how to listen. We are never exposed to the experience whereby listening things were resolved to a large extent. Our exposures are always such that strengthens our belief that it's only through lecturing or talking we can exhibit our talents and our expertise. Our socialization process should teach us to listen. 

What we Learn and What World Expects...

Life was always difficult for me. All the difficulties of life were very normal for me. These difficulties were common in everyone's life. But the most difficult part of my life that I really cannot cope up with, is the lack of love in my life. I always felt that I will easily get love, maybe I was overconfident about my personality, which I thought to be loving and pleasing. But actually, as I grew up I found that with all my socialization process I have grown up to be a very boring person. A person who could be liked easily but not loved. All my myth about me shattered by the time I reached my 40s. I understood that my religion, my family, my society, my education even the film that I saw taught me to be a person who is just the opposite of what the world wants. Another revelation that I got is that what the world wants may not be what it expects. Our socialization process wants us to make a perfect person which actually the world at large doesn't want.

Now I understand that people who smoke and drink alcohol hiding the so-called society (who actually wants that we all smoke and drink and enjoy life) are actually the fittest of all. As they become big, as I see, people love their company. They meet to enjoy and make merry.  They have actually learned to enjoy life. Our parents and school taught us not to lie but actually by telling lie we manage so many things in our lives so easily and smoothly. Most of the system in our present (adult) world doesn't like honesty, doesn't like truthfulness. They like some corruption, a lot of lies and a lot of slangs and a lot of many things which actually from childhood we are taught that they are bad and we should abstain from it. If you see our religion, though it teaches us to be sinless the people who manage our religion do all those things which are sinful and they live so happily (most of them are richest people on earth). I hope you can all make a sense of what I am trying to convey. In one word the world really functions at different levels than what we are really taught of how the world may function.

I learned that love is divine. It is something that is very common. Every human being has someone selected for life long partner and relationship. No one will live alone. Love happens at first sight. Electric current will flow through your vein if you touch that chosen one for you. Love and lust are very different. "I love you" and "I like you" are synonymous. Blah, blah blah and blah...

But actually, in the actual world, the love between two people starts with "Suhag Raat". This is basically a ceremony to start love with sex. It is the sexual satisfaction that keeps the relationship intact. So if sexual satisfaction is fewer people started with extra-marital affairs hidingly. But actually, those extramarital affairs helped them to continue living happily. But our socialization process shared that adultery is sin and bad (though supreme court now allows it in our country). If your sexual orientation is different than getting love is more difficult or totally impossible. Our education taught us that there can be only one kind of love - heterosexual love. All other types of love are sinful. But actually, there is love beyond man and woman. Why are we not taught that love is love and love doesn't see gender. So even homosexuality is very much prevalent in this world, but our socialization process never tells us its existence. People who could manage two relationships (one mandated by society and one that actually the person wants as per nature) are managing it flawlessly without any concern of how they might be telling lie and destroying other's life. They just need enjoyment. May be lust for them is more important than so-called love.

In all the above processes we lie and we hurt but it doesn't matter to us. The world runs successfully with lies and hurt. Because it gives people success and deep satisfaction. Then why do our socialization process teaches so differently than what the world wants us? In all these, people who want to live as per set norms of society (which the person learned from his socialization process) suffers loneliness and depression at larger. I feel this generally comes from our strive to be "good" and not 'bad".  We need to ask what is "good" and what is "bad"? Does it really exist? Or is it just the myth? We do everything that the world wants us to do but when they are exposed then we deny, we punish ourselves or others, we feel ashamed and above all we defend. But this is the world and we have to navigate through it.

Review of Siddhartha...my perception

Review of 'Siddhartha' - my own reflection, my own wisdom...

"Siddhartha" written by Hermeann Hesse, is a story of discovering oneself - a spiritual quest. The main protagonist of the story, Siddhartha, actually resembles all of us who at some point of time will definitely have a series of questions that Siddhartha had, in order to know oneself. Many a time we ignore it by saying, "Don't think too much." or we really ponder on those questions and try to find the answer. Many a time we get those answers many a time we get engrossed in our life so much that we keep those questions open for long to naturally evaporate from our conscious. In the story, Siddhartha had 'discontent in himself'. He started to feel that people and materials around him 'would not bring him joy forever and ever, would not nurse him, feed him, satisfy him.' In our lifetime, we are exposed to the most and best of the wisdom that is documented by wise people. But like Siddhartha, many a time we don't find meaning in them. We just listen and keep these pearls of wisdom in a high platform with a clear understanding that they cannot be practiced in this world. We get into our life and gain our own knowledge but many a time we fail to reflect on them. These knowledge need to be hard pressed like we do to a mustard seed in order to to take out the oil from it. These 'hard pressed' is the process of getting wisdom out of our knowledge. The mustard seeds are our knowledge. Ultimately the seeds are gone but the oil remains. The same way the knowledge is necessary to get the wisdom out of it but ultimately the wisdom makes us relevant and takes life forward in a meaningful way. Siddhartha in the story puts it very nicely to Govinda at the end that, '...wisdom cannot be passed on. Wisdom which a wise man tries to pass on to someone always sounds like foolishness.' It's so true. He further goes to tell, 'Knowledge can be conveyed, but not wisdom'. I feel the story of Siddhartha gives a strong message that if we are only a seeker of knowledge we may only be a follower. But when we are a seeker of wisdom, we will be driven away from our teachers, religion and such things which imparts knowledge. Seeking wisdom makes us in charge of our life and help us to constantly reflect on the knowledge that we gather from our life and take out inference from it which is wisdom. I feel the quest for life leads us to collect wisdom. In the end, Siddhartha shared beautiful wisdom. He says that the world is not imperfect or on a slow path of perfection. The world is already perfect in every moment. What a great reflection and great wisdom. He continues to say that everyone is Brahman, a creator. Everything is within oneself. All good and bad, all sin and bliss are existing in everything. So love and venerate everything for the potential that it has in itself. But these are all wisdom that Siddhartha had. It is meaningful to him but can be foolishness to others. Hence wisdom is very personal to oneself. This quest for wisdom will lead you in life. 

This quest for wisdom, made Siddhartha and his friend Govinda, leave their home to join the ascetics, fast, pray and meditate intensely and yet Siddhartha cannot find his peace. They hear of the Buddha and Govinda decides to join his followers. But Siddhartha wants his own discovery for himself. He moves ahead, meets Kamala, is driven towards material pleasures but after some time abandons this life too. Eventually, all his experiences, all the events in his life help him to meet his spiritual guide and he has his own awakening. Siddhartha's life changes when he begins to question what he’s been taught. He wonders if gods are not just human constructs and if anyone but Atman (whom he calls the “Only One”) should receive honor and sacrifice. He’s desperate to find the path to this deepest part of himself. Despite his father’s objections, Siddhartha leaves his village and joins a group of wandering ascetics called the samanas. Govinda follows. Siddhartha learns to fast. He wears a loincloth, and his hair and nails grow as his stomach shrinks. His goal is to empty himself of every dream and desire, to become “un-selfed.” He meditates and takes on the forms of various animals and other natural formations. His voluntary suffering enables him to overcome hunger, pain, thirst, and fatigue and to linger in the “nonself” for a time. But eventually, he always comes back to himself and feels the torments of living. He notes even the oldest samana has not reached nirvana (or liberation from the endless cycle of birth and death). Siddhartha theorizes that words and learning are the enemies of true knowledge. Knowledge itself is all around and within the soul.

Although Siddhartha met and spoke to the Buddha and feels truth emanating from him, he still decides he must carry on in his search for Atman alone. This quest for wisdom was so strong in Siddhartha, that in spite of him believing Buddha, he still feels no amount of teaching can bring about the deliverance of a person’s soul. Meeting the Buddha shows him the only way one can discover the depths of his soul is through personal experience.

at one point of time, Siddhartha shuns the rituals and self-sacrifice that previously guided him and get sunk into worldly pleasure, sex, gambling. After a while, even these things can’t keep him from feeling sluggish and discontented with life. Loathing himself and feeling like something has died inside of him, he abruptly leaves this life behind. Siddhartha hangs over a tree near the river, contemplating suicide. He hears the “om” within himself that once reminded him to seek perfection and completeness. He sinks into a deep sleep and awakens refreshed and joyful. Siddhartha begins to find a particular beauty in the river. Once again, he encounters the ferryman, Vasudeva, who listens well as Siddhartha bears his soul. Siddhartha sees the ferryman’s joy and peace and realizes he can learn much by spending time in this man’s presence. He stays on to work for and live with the ferryman and to listen to the river speaking to him. 

Siddhartha continues to learn from the river, and Vasudeva helps him see a vision that changes him. He sees and hears the faces and sounds of all people, sees their goodness and evil, tears and joy, all coming together at once. Within this, he discovers a wholeness that could be summed up in the word “om.” The last climax wherein Govinda and Siddhartha have a final meeting summarises the quest which started in the beginning. Siddhartha reiterates that experiences rather than the teachings of man have led him to this place. He says time itself is a human construct, and he now sees how the past, present and future flow together all at once.

He says he believes the key to all things is the ability to love himself and all beings with awe and admiration. He asks Govinda to kiss his forehead, and the man sees a vision of his own, filled with all of the good and evil, pain and beauty of life in faces, actions, and animals. He sees the perfect peace in Siddhartha that he once saw in the Buddha’s eyes, and he falls to his knees feeling deep love. 

The story in a strong metaphor of river and ferryman explains that life is like the river which if heard with silence and patience will give you a lot of answers and points of reflection. It will connect you to your past, as it did to Siddhartha when it reminded him of his father's feeling when he was unable to handle his anxiety with regard to his son's future. And the ferryman resembles a guide that you need in your life who can give you direction. This guide can be you yourself but you should have your oars to guide yourself. If you do not have oars you can definitely borrow it for sometimes from someone.  

The story was in a very simple language but conveyed a very profound message for all seekers. It made me to understand life and seek my own wisdom. 

Article 15 films's tagline aptly says —“Farq bahut kar liya, ab farq laayenge (We discriminated, now we will bring about a change)”.

Recently I attended five days workshop-cum-training on Emerging Leadership Programme at Bangalore. In that workshop, I reflected on the word, "Power". According to the discussion in that workshop, I understood that "Power" is the ability to achieve the desired/intended goal. It has a positive connotation attached to it. But the word power in the real world has a very different connotation attached to it. It is generally understood and seen by people as a mean to oppress and marginalise other fellow human being. It is used to eliminate other's existence for the sake of my own existence. Power needs to be shown to empower others, is what we reflected in the workshop. But in real world power is used to dis-empower others and push them into fear and ultimately to the culture of silence. 

In the Hindi film, Article 15, the two dialogue, ' Unhe aukaat dikahan jaroori tha' and ‘Aukaat wahi hai jo hum dete hain’ clearly says how we want the power to be shown and understood/perceived by others. In the film, the three girls were raped and among them, two were hanged on a tree just to show the power (negative connotation) of the upper caste and create a fear among the lower caste people. It depicts centuries-old class and caste and gender privilege that exists until today in modern India. Every time the police officer used "in log" and "un log" to say something about the lower caste, I was feeling uncomfortable to see that how many of us through words exclude and divide people on the basis of the identity. On one side are the upper-castes and the untrammelled power that comes with caste position; on the other, are the lowest of the low, the invisible, the Dalits; and in between is the heartbreaking divide which shapes our destiny in this country even today. Right wings are in power now. They talk about Nationalism, Akhand Bharat... but what type of nationalism we want? what type of Akhand Bharat we want where the people of my country hate each other on the basis of some abstract thing which is caste. Another important word is used often by the police officer (in the film) to warn subtly the main protagonist - PS officer Ayan Ranjan (Khurrana) is "Santulan" (Balance). It is exactly what we are taught in our family and schools very much diplomatically and politically. We are always motivated to keep the status-co. We are always asked to keep the status co. People who disbalance or disturb the status co, like in the film the Dalit leader who mobilised Dalits to question the definition of power construed by the so-called powerful, are killed mercilessly without any guilty. State-sponsored terrorism is not against the people who want to show the "Aukaat" but against those people who want to empower Dalits and other marginalised community. It happened with Bhagat Singh and continues. At least in the English language,  when we say lower-caste it sounds not so bad but when we say lower caste in Hindi, the name of each of the lower caste is an abusive word. 

Caste discrimination is just not the main land's issue. It is also there very much in all over India. It has sipped into all our other religion which actually started due to caste-based violence (What an irony?). The film depicts very well the civil war that exists in our country for centuries based on caste. I really liked that the film started with the song by Bob Dylan (one of my favourite singer) playing in the background: "...how many years can some people exist before they are allowed to be free?" when Ayaan, the main protagonist, entering the village and comparing air pollution of Delhi with an experience of fresh air full of oxygen in the village, naive of the violent environment that he will experience which has taken many more lives than the pollution of cities. The first song in the film - "Kahab to lagi jaaye dhak se" is really a good song to make us understand consciously the difference between rich and poor on the basis of the privilege and hardship they enjoy and face respectively. Like Ayan, many of our young Indians are not aware of caste-based discrimination. They are very bookish and naive. But are they very much unknown to us? Do we need a film to say that? We have become so much insensitive that zero tolerance on caste-based discrimination is a distant dream in our country. 

One of the very important thing that the film wanted to show was how the government institution, the police force, which has the power (in positive connotation) to eliminate the caste-based discrimination is actually preserving and practising shamelessly.  The two police officer in the film - Solanki and Sinha have internalised the discrimination so well with such a perfection that they find it very much normal not to offer pakodas from their plate to the upper caste officers or refuse to drink water from a glass at his place. 

I am depressed and sad after watching the movie. I am among most of you all waiting for a hero. Do I have the courage to be a hero? Has our education system, family system, professional space failed us? Are we all suffering from an acute syndrome of 'culture of silence'? In the film at one point in time, Ayan calls to her lover and says, "... I will un-mess it". To which his lover replied that whether there is any word called 'un-mess' in the english language. Then Ayan says that we need to frame new words. This metaphor is strong enough message that calls all of us 'to learn, unlearn and relearn' many things that we learned during the process of our socialization. We Indians really need to go deeper and understand our value system. 

Having said all this, I want to say one thing that I find two actors - Ayushman and Sahid, showing their own responsibility as a responsible actor. One is working in a film which is misogynist and another one is using film as a platform to raise the critical question on how we Indians are behaving with our fellow Indians. History will remember them on the basis of the film they choose. 

Do we have Ayan like police officers in our country? Do we need them? Has the caste system so strongly rooted that no one can uproot it? Do we really need Article 15 in our constitution when we are not able to follow it? Is the article really making any sense to our government executives who need to ensure its implementation? Has the CSOs in India failed in empowering people of our country for the last 70 years? 

What is real romance?

I think a lot of people don’t understand what real romance is. Anyone can buy flowers, candy and jewellery. The truly romantic things in life are those little things you do every day to show you care, and that you’re thinking of them. It’s going out of your way to make them happy. The way you hold his/her hand when you know he's/she’s scared, or you save the last piece of cake for her/him. The random text or call in the middle of the day, just to say “I love you” or “I miss you”. The way she/he stops to kiss you when he/she passes by. It’s dedicating his/her favourite song to her/his, and letting her /him eat your fries; telling her/him she’s/he's beautiful/handsome. It’s putting your favourite show on pause so she/he can tell you about her/his day, and laughing at his/her jokes, even the really lame ones. It’s slow dancing in the kitchen and kissing in the rain. Romance isn’t about buying, it’s about giving. True romance is in gestures. True love is not letting go the person whom you love or even like. Letting him/her go means you never wanted him/her.  

Celebration of Democracy through exercising the Right of Adult Franchise.

Election for me is reflecting my own political ideology and analyzing it with the present political scenario/context. Election is a very important part of democratic nation. It is the time when I read lot of editorials of leading news paper, watch political debates in National television channels, discuss political matters with my family members and friends, interact with people whom I meet everyday like rickshaw pullers, auto drivers, shopkeepers etc to listen their political analysis. This help me refine my political ideology and guard myself to get fervently swayed by the rhetoric. I really prepare myself well to make a rational choice while I vote. This time, while discussing with some of the people in and around me, I found that they are guided by there selfish interests, conscious biases and unconscious prejudices. I also found that their narratives are highly coloured by the political parties' narratives. In India people vote largely from their perceptions on the narratives created by the political parties often ignoring the larger collective goods of the country. 

The Tamil spiritual classic, Thirukkural, clearly states that a representatives who guides the country wrongly is worse than numerous external enemies. It further goes on to say that "the ideal representative is the one who is physically and mentally strong, morally upright, hardworking, intelligent and compassionate." We all expect that our elected representatives (male, female or third gender) look into our welfare deeply, takes correct and firm decision as well as execute them boldly. 

As an Individual when I go for voting, I update myself on the two important things. Firstly the philosophy and ideology of the political parties and secondly the current political manifesto. If both the things are for the growth and betterment of the nation in the framework of our Indian Constitution, I rise above my own ideological biases and prejudice and choose wise representatives. Political appetite develops through our long and structural socialization process. It is sometime really difficult to rise above our narrow identities and choose wise representatives. Our political cognition is largely influenced by our family ideology. Then slowly it develops in schools through our teachers and then through the student political interventions in our colleges/universities. It was very important for me to read the political ideology and history as well as analyse the present political scenario of our political parties to come up with my own political inclinations. Since my politics is issue based so after sometime of my first vote in late 90's, I understood that I cannot have affinity towards one political party. Hence I supported and opposed different political parties on the basis of the issues, that directly or indirectly affected me or  the people for whom I am concerned. I always feel that issue based politics will surely encourage candidates to think, feel and act more responsively. 

It is very important in a democracy that the voters drive or lead the political agenda. Many a time, in India, the voters are not organised or not aware of the larger need of the country or selfish and motivated with their own identity that they are not properly aware of the political scenario. Hence many a time the voters are colour blind and get influenced by the narrative scripted by political parties and fall prey to their tricks. These influences will land the voters in a plethora of dissatisfaction and unrest. It is very important that voters are well aware about the socio-political and economic condition of the country and vote locally while thinking globally. before casting our vote, we need to read the manifestos carefully, listen to the speeches of various candidates attentively and scan through their work in last tenure, This will help us to figure out the candidates' character. We need a candidate who feels for others, ready to work for the people, who has high integrity values clothed with compassion, empathy and righteousness. 

 Jago Voter Jago...

Love that I knew and love that I want... in my singleness....

It was then, when I heard that my parents (Bengali-Hindu mother and Nepali-Christian father) had a love marriage, i realized that there is something called LOVE. My parents love story was like the Hindi film Ek Duje Ke Liye. This movie was about the love between a Tamil man, Vasu (played by Kamal Hasan), and a North Indian woman, Sapna (Played by Rati Agnihotri), who are neighbours in Goa. They come from totally different backgrounds and can hardly speak the other's language. When Vasu and Sapna admit their love, there is chaos in their homes, and their parents reject the idea. Same sort of matter happened in my parent's family too. But all those odd they could overcome and now they live happily ever after. They could do that because their love for each other (till date) is so strong (or so deep). After more than two decades, when suddenly my sister decided to marry a Tamil man from Chennai, I could again see the strong connection of LOVE. Love between them brought two families (culturally and linguistically different) closer to understand the respective culture with huge amount of tolerance and acceptance. Hence I always felt that I will also experience such love in my life. From them, I learnt that Love is one of the most profound emotions that they experience as humans. It’s impact is huge in human life. Though we can invite it into our lives but we do not have the control over the how, when and where love starts to express itself. Maybe that’s why 72% of people believe in love at first sight. Sometimes, love truly does strike like a bolt of lightening to the chest, and you aren’t prepared for it. It happened for me once for someone, but alas! it was just from my side and I had exhaust myself to the extreme to decide my love to let go. But in case of my parents and my sister and her husband, love was at first sight from both end and that made their life beautiful. May be for them, definition of love was not difficult as they got their tune and lyrics in harmony. But for many people who could not find love or if love is one sided traffic, then the definition of love is different for both of them. And when the love is defined in two different ways then there is pain and suffering which is huge. This pain takes away the peace of mind and make you mad, vulnerable, sad, angry as well as depressed. Here I would like to state that the difference between lust and love. Lust is a temporary desire which is fired by an increased release of testosterone and estrogen–it lasts for a little bit, then you normalize and it’s gone. But, when you feel true love, the brain can release a whole set of chemicals, allowing you to experience it in different expressions. Love can be blind, misguided, tragic, unconditional, steadfast and inconsistent. It takes on many different variants, yet, at its best, love is a passionate commitment that we constantly work to develop and nurture. When you break down and analyze different relationships, one of the key factors is how compatible two partners are, so love is compatibility. When you share the same values, likes and dislikes, interests, political or philosophical views with someone you are much more likely to be compatible and thus, are more likely to fall in love. Sure, there can always be situations where "opposites attract" (it happened with me) but there will always need to be some common grounds for the relationship to grow roots on, or it might fall into one of the other categories of love. Love and compatibility work together to build a relationship, so at the end of the day, you want to find someone you know you know you are going to be compatible with. 

But when I did not get love till the age of 40, like my parents and my sister and her husband, I started questioning myself as - What is Love? For me, at the end Tagore's Bengali song - Sokhi Bhavan kahare bole (what do you mean by 'thought', my dear - English translation below is by Anjan Ganguly) helped me survive without love till date. The songs narrates in the following way - 

What do you mean by 'Thought', my dear.
What do you mean by 'Pain' either.
What is that you yell 'Love' for,
What the word 'Love' means,
Is it saturated with pain?
Is that synonymous with tears or sigh of sufferings?
It is surely a wonder, why it fascinates people.
To my eyes everything is pleasing.
All are youthful, all are free from filth.
Blue sky, green parks, elaborate moonlight, tender blossoms –
All alike myself.
They laugh and sing all the time,
Face certain death delightfully smiling.
They know not sobs, neither fascinated to pains.
Flowers fall apart giggling, moonlight vanish while smiling,
Stars in the sky go out of vision in the ocean of light.
Who is happier than me –
Come O Darling, sooth your ears
With the blissful songs of a happy person.
You should be able to smile for a while amid routine sufferings.
Let us all sing for a single day ignoring the melancholy.

I always dream (hope) to be loved by and to love 'someone' from my deepest corner of my heart but as the time passes by, I feel that the hope is becoming impossible and I am leading towards hopelessness in finding love. Staying alone is possible and I can stay alone. Its not a problem but living without a love is something really painful. Love for me is someone who will emotionally and physically (together and not separately) care me from the heart. One of the pressing questions I hear overtly and covertly from every near and dear ones of mines is "Who am I with?" My parents, sister and friends supported me fully in my life, except in this one aspect, my singleness. We all talk about singles, loneliness, but we don't talk about what it's like to live without partner while longing for one over years and then decades. Very few of my close friends know that how much I long to have a partner in my life just like the one my parents have found among them, my sister and her husband have found between them. Its the Bollywood, Hindi films that have created my perception about love and having partners in one's life. It is also our religion, our society that have inculcated the belief, deep into my heart, in romantic love. How many Hindi and Bengali film songs that I have heard (from childhood to till date) revolve around the long search and eventually discover the beloved through the process of love at first sight. The phrases at the end of all Hindi and Bengali movie (of 80s and 90s that I watched), "happily ever after" made us strongly believe that two lives are made better by virtue of their union. Hence from my teenage I am looking for that holy union to live my life "happily ever after". 

Reference - 

- http://www.geetabitan.com/lyrics/rs-s/sokhi-bhabona-kaahare-english-translation.html)

Made in Heaven... to live in hell... what an irony?

Made in Heaven... to live in hell... what an irony? 

Made in Heaven, the web series in Amazon prime video could really reflect the hypocrisy of Indian society there on your face directly.  As an Indian, it made me ask a critical question as to what will it take for our society to move from hypocrisy to genuineness. Indian society is very harsh to the marginalised section of our society always and the series could rightly show it there on the face for us to reflect and understand the need to change. 

The protagonists in the series rightly showed the struggle for acceptance and belonging that each one of us has while traversing the path of personal and professional life. The struggle of certain marginalised people in an urban setting in a globalised world is constantly increasing in the line of gender, class and sexual orientation. These struggles will definitely shape the social, economic and political narrative of new India in the near future. The series very beautifully showcase the gender wars, class wars, and wars fought to legitimise sexual identity. The idea of using an Indian wedding (elite wedding), which is one of the important parts of Indian life, is used as the medium to narrate these struggles is really unique. If you need to see the hypocritical as well as a genuine part of the Indian family, then I think an Indian wedding is a right platform to observe and reflect. The series with its 9 episodes showed the hypocrisy and genuine outlook of Indian mentality very well. Made in Heaven exposes our "vulgar obsession with social perceptions, our all-consuming desire to be seen as belonging in an exclusive bracket, our raging need for upward social mobility". The series also showed the growing inequality in wealth among Indian society and the impact on the life of each one of us. The series also touched our constant inner struggle between our so-called traditional values and the liberal life that we want to live. "Tara Khanna, who’s had a less-than middle-class upbringing, is in a constant struggle to blend in a wealthy household and the high society, for Jaspreet the struggle is to fit into the mould of a work environment that’s far removed from her reality. For Karan, it’s acceptance, not just from family, but from society, while for Adil and Fayza, who inhabit the top column of the economic food chain, it’s the quest to find mental peace - they are both financially well-off but immensely lonely."

The series tackles very well the important aspect of our struggle "elitism, sexual abuse, toxic masculinity, celebrity entitlement, infidelity, the broken marriage, closeted existence",  with great sensitivity and understanding.  

While watching the series, I could feel constant pain in my heart, a subtle sadness through out. Though the show was about marriages, a happy occasion, there are rarely any happy weddings in it, except one, where a couple in their 60s get married. Rest all marriages were a naked showcase of patriarchal norms. In fact, the series name, Made in Heaven, was full of sarcasm on the idea of marriage - an age-old construct dictated entirely by patriarchal norms and one where women are at the receiving end of sexist ideas perpetuated by seemingly “woke” and “progressive” families.

I feel the series is a brilliant showcase of the damage caused to our Indian society (and the world at large) due to strong patriarchal sentiments that govern our socialisation process. The series interestingly portray men as both, perpetrators as well as victims of patriarchy, especially Vinay Pathak’s Gupta ji, who has one of the show’s most understated yet powerful track. Besides this, the series also reveals the age-old plot of how sexually impotency of men ends up directing their rage towards the women. The series blatantly points out the horrific ways in which women are conditioned to appease to male entitlement and the cost of rebellion if any. While watching those episodes I always had that frustrating moment when I hopelessly feel that will the world change or will the manifestation of patriarchy change with time. The voice over of Shashank Arora at end of every episode was chilling as it could summarise the moral of each episode. They were really reflective and the literal summary of every episode. 

Tanul Thakur, in his article at The Wire, rightly says that it "sees the world from a tower so tall that the rest of the world shrinks dot-like, magnifying the hypocrisies, prejudice and retrograde mindsets of the affluent." 

I find that the Indians need to be educated not just literate. Education in India could not liberate us. It just made us literate to earn money and not a spine to ask a critical question to our traditions, values, customs, beliefs, rituals, socialisation process, prejudice, biasedness, stereotypes and our mindsets. 

Reference: 

 1. https://www.huffingtonpost.in/entry/made-in-heaven-review-zoya-akhtars-show-exposes-our-vulgar-obsession-with-social-perceptions_in_5c81327ae4b06ff26ba665a7

Let my World awake...

"The distribution of wealth is one of today's most widely discussed and controversial issues". I always wonder about how wealth and income have evolved from centuries and how has it lead to the concentration of wealth in fewer hands. In his book 'Capital - in the Twenty-First century',  Thomas Piketty says, "...capitalism automatically generates arbitrary and unsustainable inequalities that radically undermine the meritocratic values on which democratic societies are based." It is sad when he says in the introduction of the same book, "There are nevertheless ways democracy can regain control over capitalism and ensure that the general interest takes precedence over private interests, while preserving the economic openness and avoiding protectionist and nationalist reactions." It shows how capitalism has engrossed our democratic value of equity and inclusion.

Indian film, be it Bollywood films or India regional films, of twentieth century, are full of stories that depicts the presence of deep inequality in the society among different rural population, one of such film is Mother India, Pather Panchali, Apur Sansar etc. There are many such films which paint striking reality of inequalities and hence marginalization of men and women. I think the best effect of inequality, injustice and marginalization have been shown with great perfection and power by our Indian films. There can be no statistical and theoretical analysis that can match these films. Indian films made it possible to take the discussion of inequality, injustice and marginalization  beyond the economists, sociologists, historians and philosophers and put it on the face of the common people of India. These made common people to have contradictory political views/judgement. Every citizen of the country have their own point of view and that why we all say, "Janta Sab Janti Hain". Common people understood through this film as to how people live and what relations of power and marginalization exist among different social groups. Thus Piketty says very distinctly that, "...there will always be a fundamentally subjective and psychological dimensions to inequality, which inevitably gives rise to political conflicts that no purportedly scientific analysis can alleviate. Democracy will never be supplanted by republic of experts - and that is very good thing." 

Today when the economic decisions are skewed by the thoughts of hyper nationalism world wide, which unfurls slowly the trade war initiated by USA under the leadership of Donald Trump with a value of "America First", I find that the new efforts of inequality is on its way to engulf the world. The with drawl of USA from Human Rights Council will again create another hustle and bustle in the world politics. So the impulsive political and economic decisions will further polarize the world and I see, contradict to cold war a hot war is on its way. Hence a new narrative of inequality is in the process of making which is totally not scripted but more of impulsive. In India, the way our leadership is going ahead with all the economic and political decisions which are not based on democratic values but based on one (or two) man's (or men's) perception of nationalism. I fear that democracy and republic experts are supplanted by few individuals, which is really a great threat to world democratic values. Are we moving towards a new form of governance where in dictatorship will be covered under the sheet of democracy. The most horrific things that are happening through the social media, which was brought into public domain to unify the world people and create one humanity, is hijacked by the rights wings for brainwashing/polluting the mind of the people like shown in the film, Hirak Rajar Deshe written and directed by famous film maker Satyajit Ray, to reinforce the hyper nationalism, hyper castisim, hyper religious fundamentalism to cultivate inequality at all fronts - socio-economic and political. Today I see hyper nationalism automatically generates arbitrary and unsustainable inequalities that radically undermine the meritocratic values on which democratic societies are based.

Hence as an individual I cry out to all those still unpolluted/non-brainwashed World film makers, actors (male and female) and writers to start ventilating their opinions through their films and literature on what is happening presently and its impact on human kind in near future. Your efforts will not put a complete end to the violent political storm (that I see coming) but it will definitely inform democratic debate and focus our media (the fourth pillar of democracy) attention on the right questions. "it can help to redefine the terms of debate, unmask certain preconceived or fraudulent notions, and subject all positions to constant critical scrutiny." - which I fear is not happening or very fast losing its ground.

**I used the words, phrases and sentences from 'Capital - in the Twenty-First century' written by Thomas Piketty and used it purposefully for expressing my own view. 

Films and My life...

Films and my life....

Indian movies always framed my perception about life. In life, you cannot have all the experiences directly, films played a great role in my life to understand issues like love and relationship, dark world of mafias, a life of a prostitute, issues related to begar industry, the life of legends like Gandhi, etc. I started to watch film and analyze it as well as related it to my life from very early age. My first films were films made by legend Satyajit Ray. It was difficult for me to understand the deep meaning of his films but slowly with due-discussion with my mother I tried to understand it. on the onset, I would like to give the full credit to my attraction to films and learning from it goes to Supriya Chettri, my beloved mother. She taught me in a subtle way the importance of film in our life. I still remember to cry unending, till my mother had to scold me, even after the end of the Hindi film named. "Rishta Kagaz Ka". That was the level of engrossment I had while watching the film. I used to get into the film and experienced all the emotions like humor, fear, suspense, love, happy, sad, angry, excited and so on and so forth. Film was always an escape mechanism for me from the reality. It helped me to live a life which is fully mine, even though it was not real. Till date, I love to watch movies with emotions. I get irritated when people say. "It's not real. It is a film. So don't get scared/cry/...". I feel that if I had come to watch a horror film and I don't get scared then there is no point to come for a film. My tear buds get super activated and my emotions get highly charged when I watch a film. I don't feel ashamed at all to watch the film with its right emotions. 

Beside my emotional outbursts, I have framed my opinion on political and social issues from films. Of course, I have enhanced my learning from several readings and discussions with like-minded people. But I would say that films helped to understand different perspectives, helped me to excite my curiosity on different issues, sustained my thirst to learn more and garner strength to fight all odds in my life. Films definitely empowered me to a large extent. I have used films clippings during my workshops to polarise people thoughts on different issues and helped them to reflect life in a much better way. 

Recent films like Queen, Kahani, lipstick Under my Burkha, Newton, Dangal, Secret Superstar and numerous Bengali as well as Hindi films of Satyajit Ray, Mrinal Sen, Shyam Benegal, Rituporno Ghosh, Aparna Sen, Nagesh Kukunoor and recently Sujoy Ghosh. There are many other directors whose films also inspired me as well as molded my personality, my thought process and my perception about life. 

One of the best movies of the recent time that made me awestruck is "Nirbak (Speechless)" It is an Indian Bengali film by Srijit Mukherjee starring Sushmita Sen (probably her first Bengali film). I saw it in Summer 2015, probably in during the month of May in Delhi. The films excellently depict the stories of love and separation. The films went far beyond the love between two human beings (which can be seen and felt) to love among human being and non-human being. The society which still grapples in understanding the love between same-sex is shown suddenly a film that shows how a tree fell in love with a girl and masturbate to a love between a man and a bitch. It also goes beyond the love between two living being to love between a living human and a dead human (though one-sided). It really shows the existence of intense love, lust, and jealousy among all living and non-living creatures. I will say it was a fantastic movie to watch and reflect. 

"Queen" film taught me to turn my lonely life to a life of solitude. As an individual, I had experienced sudden strokes of depression due to my inability to find true love, was greatly influenced to see life in a positive way after I came out watching Queen. To tell you truth, I started managing my alone life in a better way. Film "Aligarh" helped me to articulate my lonely life. "Lipstick Under my Burkha" helped me identify many people who are quite rebels (lipstick rebels) who challenged in their own way the inequality and dubious facets of life. I started respecting all those who secretly rebelled successfully in their life and made their own headways. "Newton" showed me the reality of standing alone in a society which co-opts people and swallows them without even the slightest burps. Just this Thursday I watched "Secret Superstar". The film made me cry and made to question myself as to how much effort do I give to achieve my dream. In life, its really easy to blame the circumstances for the failure to achieve the dream but have we ever asked ourselves why were we scared to take the road less traversed by the people. 

Life for me without films will be monotonous. Films give me strength and inspiration to face all the odds in life. I am waiting for another thought-provoking films. 

It was really pleasant experience to meet Saroo on the screen, the main protagonist of the film "Lion", and look for many things that I lost in my childhood. Many a time like Saroo, (who later learned that he had been mispronouncing his own name, which was actually Sheru, a diminutive for sher, the Hindi word for "lion") we also seek for many things in life which may help us to connect with the roots, which we belong to. 

In 1986, Saroo, a five year old boy, lives with his elder brother Guddu, his mother and his younger sister in a remote village of India. He was born to a very poor family of a single mother, who finds it difficult to make both ends meet. Both teh borthers used to steal coal from freight trains to trade for milk and food. One day Saroo gets into a wrong train which changed his course of life and landed him with an Australian couple far away from India through adoptation. Saroo, under the care of Sue and John Brierley, started to settle in. Saroo was fond of jalebi, a delicacy that he wanted to have always in his life. This jalebi ultimately reconnects him to his family in India and the rest is the story beautifully shown in the movie. At last he returns to his hometown, where he has an emotional reunion with his biological mother and sister, but learns that Guddu is dead. The film ends with captions about the real Saroo's return to India in February 2012.

The most important point that I liked in the film, which gave me hope of unconditional love in this world, when Saroo learned that Sue Brierly, who adopted her is not infertile, but had chosen to help others in need through adoption, believing that there were already too many people on Earth. 

The film for me was really fascinating as it showed the power of hope. The hope that everything is possible if we seek from our heart - Seek and you will find; Know and it will open. 

In life we all seek for better life, better partner, better children and so forth and so on... but life is hard and harsh only to see that you reach your destiny. Through our life journey we learn whole gamete of wisdom, which makes us a better human. This is only possible when we consciously and deliberately take decisions in our life. It is also true that many a time we have no other ways rather than to accept life as it comes. But in those occasions, we should like Saroo listen to our inner conscious. 

While travelling the path with Saroo, it is obvious that destiny plays a great role in shaping our own course of life. And that thought brings to me in one of the contradictions that I always go through, that is, is God discriminatory? The orphanage that we saw with Saroo in Kolkata is the depiction of the misery that a child goes through when he or she is lost. What all hardship a child goes through in the orphanage is left to everybody's imagination and perception. But should it be the fate of any child after all. How many of them can land up in the midst of a good family. Why is the world so insensitive of the children?

I have seen people who want to marry only because they want to see their hope in their child/children. But very few are like Brierly. So many children get missing everyday in India. We never try to find them beyond the numbers. They get confined in the statistical data and people like us get immune and insensitive after sometime. Government's apathy on the missing children is really scary. For the officials or ministers these children are not more than meager numbers. Their interventions get confined only through some welfare schemes, laws and Acts for the children. Isn't it sad? 

After watching the film, when I was walking back to my room through the big park adjacent to where I stay in Delhi, I was feeling very lonely. Few questions suddenly propped in my mind, What if I get lost? Who will be there to look for me? If my friends and family members read this they will abruptly come up with suggestions of getting married. May be my parents will look for me. May be my good old friends will look for me. But suppose some one who has no one will be forgotten and will find himself/herself as the numbers of missing people. 

Missing children and missing adult in India is not seen seriously. 

Religion Vs Spirituality 

It was great to have a Hindu mother and Christian father. It really helped me to understand the different religious perspectives. I was much influenced by the Institutional church from my childhood. At one point of my life I was so influenced by the christian missionaries that I was about to become a catholic priests. But it was my mother who intelligently asked me to reflect on my decision and then take final call to join or not to join. I found the suggestion from my mother to be appropriate. So I started getting myself engaged with catholic church more consciously to know it through and through. It really helped me to know the institution better and finally take a decision not to be the priest. I will share the reasons for this decision in this blog of mine. Before I explain it let me explain what is institutional religion for me.

Religion for me is the "opium of the people". It is one of the most frequently paraphrased statements of German philosopher and economist Karl Marx. The full quote from Karl Marx translates as: "Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people". I was always confused with religion and spirituality. It was just few years back I understood the difference. According to me religion is the institutional arrangements to manage the congregation of people on the basis of biases, prejudices, fears and rewards. It is to organize the rituals to reinforce the majoritarian ideals to manipulate things to establish a hierarchical system. I always felt that the managers in this institutions firmly believe that there is "No God" and hence they become heartless and soulless. Its because of this believe, I suppose, that they can allow any kind of violence and bigotry ideas to be percolated down among the people. Religion, according to me makes people really narrow minded and look through specific coloured glasses. Religious people always try to establish their ideals as rights over the other ideas. Actually the institutions of religion survive because of the insecurity that prevails among the people.The greed among the people grease it's tools. The fundamentalist attitude among the people is the fruit that these religious institution helps to bear at the end of the day. Its obvious that people cannot stay in vacuum. Where as Spirituality is a broad concept with room for many perspectives. In general, it includes a sense of connection to something bigger than ourselves, and it typically involves a search for meaning in life. As such, it is a universal human experience—something that touches us all. People may describe a spiritual experience as sacred or transcendent or simply a deep sense of aliveness and inter connectedness. Some may find that their spiritual life is intricately linked to their association with a church, temple, mosque, or synagogue. Others may pray or find comfort in a personal relationship with God or a higher power. Still others seek meaning through their connections to nature or art.

Tradition and Pride

Jallikattu is a traditional spectacle in which a Bos indicus bull, commonly of the Kangayam breed, is released into a crowd of people and multiple human participants attempt to grab the large hump of the bull with both arms and hang on to it while the bull attempts to escape. In January 2017, occupy marina protest, the protestor’s claims that Jallikattu is promoted as bull taming, however, others suggest it exploits the bulls. The human associated in this game suffer serious injuries and fatalities. The bulls themselves sometimes sustain injuries or die, which people may interpret as a bad omen for the village. An investigation by the Animal Welfare Board of India concluded that "jallikattu is inherently cruel to animals".[1] Animal welfare organisations, the Federation of Indian Animal Protection Organisations (FIAPO)[2] and PETA India have protested against the practice.[3] The sport was banned by the Supreme Court in a decision citing animal cruelty based on a lawsuit filed by the animal rights activists group, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), which asserted that the tradition violates the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Act (PCA).[4] Occupy Marina protest by enthusiastic Tamil youths associated the ban with Tamil pride and the government had to come up first with an ordinance to lift the ban followed with an Act in the state. With this incident in the back ground I reflect back few questions and my independent thought from a bird view perspective in this blog.  

Should “Jallikattu” be associated with Tamil pride? Should any activity that is cruel to animals or humans, in any forms, be protected and made legal in the name of tradition? If the answer is yes, then caste system, dowry, sati, killing of girl child, khap panchayat etc., can also be made legal in the name of Indian pride. Where were these youths when poor fishermen were crying aloud for their support when the nuclear plant was destabilising their livelihood and above all existence at Kudankulam? Why these organised spontaneous youths were invisible when a couple were killed at day light only because they took the courage to love and get married even though they come from different caste? Where does one locate Tamil pride when Dalits people were denied of recent flood relief in and around Chennai? Is this the same land of Periyar, who once challenged the traditions, because they oppressed and discriminated people? Isn’t these youth’s hypocrites? Or are they puppets in the hands of the politicians?

But the larger question that we face today, is that whether it is rig appropriate to rigorously hold on to any culture or traditions if they are really harmful? For the sake of our regional or religion pride do we need to endorse and safeguard our culture or tradition? This is the most important context that needs to be analysed from the recent debate around Jallikattu.  

Has our country and the world at large accepted globalisation and liberalisation in true sense? (When I say true sense, I mean beyond economical gain). But when I see around and specially after the jallikattu protest, I am very much sure that the world is just making its U-turn towards fascism, traditionalism and fatalism. The world is ruled by people who are staunch supporter of protecting traditions and culture which was thought to obsolete unanimously by the world a century back. The world had agreed on human rights and protection of nature, which includes animals too. But today with the mediocre leaders leading powerful nations we seem to fuelling the dark age mentality of the people to erupt like volcano and engulf the whole world with its lava of hatred, hyper nationalism, brahmanical thoughts and concentration of wealth by few.

I think the world is becoming cynical. The country which voted Obama four years back has now voted Trumph. Isn’t that irony and cynical? The 2016 Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to the President of Colombia Juan Manuel Santos "for his resolute efforts to bring the country’s more than 50-year-long civil war to an end, a war that has cost the lives of at least 220,000 Colombians and displaced close to six million people."[5] But the same country rejected that same peace deal in the national referendum on October 2. The country India, where we had one of the biggest messenger of peace Gandhi leading the country for Independence, voted for Modi as its Prime Minister who has to be accountable for the Godhra  carnage, where thousands of Muslims and Hindus were killed mercilessly. Where is this world heading towards?

People will stand for national anthem in cinema hall and cry out the lyrics with deep feeling of nationalism but alas the same person will go out of the cinema hall and tease, stalk or may rape their own country women. Is this the narrow minded nationalism that we want? We may fast, fight and shout to bring ordinance or law to legalise Jallikattu even though Supreme Court of the country banned it but the same general public is silent on section 377. We are all hypocrites. We are not guided by our consciousness but with narrow mindedness and selfishness. 

I see Jallikattu agitation not as Tamil pride but as insane of Tamil youths. There are many things that have demean your pride. When the fisher folk was affected due to nuclear plant in Tamil Nadu, your pride was affected. Every day when a Dalit women or men is discriminated, your pride is demeaned. When every day a marriage is planned on the basis of the amount of dowry, your pride is demeaned. When couple have to give their life due to inter caste marriage, your pride is demeaned. When your politicians loot your money and still you vote them, your pride is demeaned. When a bull or a person die in Jallikattu your pride is demeaned.

Tamil population have always been vulnerable in the hands of identity politics played by their politician. They are aware of that but still fall in its prey. Tamil is a rich culture. A culture that speaks of Dravidian empowerment. It conveys me the message of standing head held high even when Aryan influence was galloping the country. Tamil pride is in its intellectuality. Tamil’s pride is in Periyar’s vision. Tamil’s pride is in their hospitality, integrity and hardworking. Tamil’s pride is in its strength to fight for the voiceless people. But the politicians in Tamil plays with their sentiments and identity, which have brought great loss to them. The same explanation can be true for all culture. If we all become like Trump who see inwardly development of America and not outwardly enlightenment, I think we are all heading towards a cynicism and skeptism.

---

[1] http://www.thehindu.com/news/national/SC-to-hear-Animal-Welfare-Board%E2%80%99s-petition-challenging-jallikattu-order/article13994379.ece

[2] http://www.firstpost.com/india/jallikattu-bull-taming-is-cruelty-at-its-best-tn-parties-using-it-for-political-gains-2564184.html

[3] http://www.reuters.com/article/us-india-peta-bulls-idUSSP19914020080118

[4] http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/supreme-court-turns-down-plea-to-allow-bull-taming-sport-jallikattu-before-pongal/articleshow/56494779.cms

[5]  "The Nobel Peace Prize 2016 - Press Release". Nobel Media AB. Retrieved 7 October 2016.

Life had been a beautiful and fantastic experience till now. With all it's ups and downs, I have traversed 38 years of my life. Today when I am on my late 30's and moving towards the zone of 40's, I feel to reflect back and retreat a bit to pick the life experiences so as to lead a much liberated life beyond 40.

Born in a lower middle class family, it was quite clear to me at a very early age that life will be hard. It will not be a smooth cat walk. At every step of my life I had to work hard to the extreme to achieve the desired goal. But to share frankly, when I reflect back and look into my struggles I feel proud that I could do it and learned a lot from the experiences. Many a time when the struggle was on my face, I used to cry out loud saying, "Why me? Why have you forsaken me O Lord?" But the fragmented power deep within me always used to get charged at right time and get accumulated to give me an infinite strength to go ahead in life with a better perspective. It happened every time I felt myself indulged in a threatened position in my life.

I did many mistakes in my life. All my mistakes are like shinning stars which always guided my direction in life and hope it will do the same in my future too. All the mistakes helped me to pill out the dry scale of my life similar to the onions and make it more and more smoother.

At one point of time I realized that I am different in many ways from the large section of society. It was challenging for me to stand with all that differences. But I stood firm slowly but steadily. I was apologetic for my differences since long. But at one point of time my exposure to life and liberative education (basically during my Masters in Social Work) enlightened me to accept myself and lead a liberative life.

Till date I got everything in my life. I am happy for whatever I am today. I feel really obliged to my parents, sister, friends and my teachers who helped me to reach this phase of my life where my profession and passion is the same. I am happy with my work and with my income. I have become so liberal in my thoughts. I am able to see things from different perspectives. I accept things and let go things as it comes and leaves.

I feel that my life after 40 should be a life that I should enjoy doing what I feel like to do. I want to live a life without any fear. I want to be free. My experience shows that freedom can only be possible with right kind of knowledge and attitude. I will try my best to gain such knowledge which will make me free. One very important thing that I will try my best to do is to live with "truth". I learned that truth only can make you free. At this age I feel that I need to depend fully on "truth". I will see that my mind is not broken up into fragments of any kind of biases and prejudices. I will try to move towards perfection with all my limitations to ensure that I don't thrive to become saint. I will try to look things with more rationale. All the actions of mine will be to restore human dignity within me and outside me. I will see that I am not influenced by any kind or form of institutional religion. I will be critical to everything that I do, I see and I learn. I feel deeply that I need to become more human and that will be my only thirst for henceforth.

One of the quest that I see for myself in near future is to look for some one who will hold me deep within his heart and look on my face to understand me. I feel that a friend in my life is something that will make me more human in future. But if that doesn't happen I don't think that it will make me low or depressed or lonely in any way. I have now slowly learned to live a life of solitude, A life where in I am deeply soaked within me. I have experienced a life where I am drunk with my own wine. I can live a life with myself. Actually I have seen that life with yourself is less complex rather than in any kind of relationship.

When I will reach 39 next year, i.e., in 2017, I will try to go for a long meditation, may be Vipasana, to look into myself in much better way and find some new goal for the life post 40s.

Thanks you each and everyone for my beautiful life.